Navigating Empathy: Empowered Self-Care and Boundaries Beyond 40

Navigating the empathic journey as women over 40 is a unique blend of balancing empathy with the invaluable wisdom age and experience provide. This mix of compassion and life insights, combined with intentional self-care practices such as setting emotional boundaries, helps build the emotional strength and wisdom necessary for well-being in midlife.

In this exploration, we’ll discuss the subtle, but noteworthy, nuances of our empathic journey, including stories that resonate with the essence of balancing heightened sensitivity and age.

Defining Empathy: Are you an Empath?

We begin with an overall explanation of what empathy is, and is not, within the parameters of this article. In general, empathy is the ability to both understand and share the feelings of others. As empaths, we often absorb the energy of our environment, intuitively sensing the emotions of those nearby.

It goes beyond sympathy, as empaths not only acknowledge the emotions of those around them but also genuinely experience and connect with those feelings. If you find yourself not just sympathizing with others but actually feeling their joy, pain, or stress as if it were your own, you might be an empath.

Within recent years, there have been conflicting views, especially on social media, about the increasing number of women who self-identify as empaths. This confusion is quite meaningless, as the only person who can truly say whether you are an empath or not is, YOU!

However, understanding whether you lean more towards empathy or sympathy can be very helpful in providing you insights into your true emotional nature.

Empathic Women Finding Equilibrium in Midlife

1. The Delicate Dance of Empathy

Life as an empathic woman often presents an ‘in your face’ change after turning forty. At that point, we’ve lived four decades of absorbing the energy of our environment and the people we have been close to.

Even those of us who have been aware of and incorporated emotional resilience and strength practices into our lives find that after age forty, navigating sensitivity becomes more challenging.

The reasons are too varied for this article, so pardon the generalizations that follow:

• • Our hormonal system is going through the change of preparing for pre-menopause and menopause.
• • Our nervous system has ‘had enough’ and begins to demand increased self-care by prioritizing our needs.
• • Our ‘energy body’ can no longer make room for imbalanced relationship ties.

Personal Story: The Challenge of Navigating Empathy after 40

Within my empathic journey, that ‘in your face’ crucial need for change was at age 48. It was dramatic.

The previous year, both my father and step-father passed away 8 months apart. Six months later, I had a nervous breakdown and needed psychiatric and psychological outpatient care.

Through the help of my therapist, I became aware that as an empathic woman, I had created a life of acting as a ‘rescuer’ and ‘people pleaser’ as the ‘strong friend’. However, I did not prioritize my emotional needs.

My friend base was too extensive, and the emotional burdens of others threatened to engulf me. I had not learned to be selective with my time or energy and felt guilty whenever I put my needs first.

In navigating this challenge, intentional self-reflection practices played a pivotal role.

2. Intentional Self-Reflection Practices for Nurturing Well-Being

There is no shortage of information on the internet about self-reflection practices tailored for empathic women over 40. Among the many methods I have practiced, there are two I found great solace in: Yoga Nidra and Neurographic Art.

They are not often included as popular nurturing well-being practices. However, both have been effective, yet gentle ways to tune into my own emotions while remaining attuned to the needs of others.

a) Yoga Nidra

Yoga Nidra, often referred to as “yogic sleep,” is a guided meditation practice that induces a state of conscious relaxation, between wakefulness and sleep.

Rooted in ancient yogic traditions, it aims to put your mind and body into a state of deep relaxation by gently guiding you through different stages of awareness while lying down in a comfortable position and following verbal instructions.

Yoga Nidra’s verbal instructions typically involve a body scan, breath awareness, and visualization to release tension. As a self-reflection and nurturing well-being practice, Yoga Nidra offers a gentle yet powerful tool for tuning into your emotional and mental state.

Here’s a clip of a 5-minute Yoga Nidra meditation that’s useful at any time, day or night.

I’ve been subscribed to Ally Boothyroyd’s YouTube channel for about 2 years and listen to her videos for two main reasons:

• help with insomnia
• help with relaxing my nervous system when I feel ‘empath overload‘

b) Neurographic Art

Originating from the field of art therapy, Neurographic Art is a creative and therapeutic practice that combines art and psychology to explore and express your thoughts and emotions. It involves using free-flowing lines, shapes, and colors to visually represent the intricate connections within the mind.

In this practice, you create spontaneous and unrestricted drawings, allowing your subconscious mind to guide the process. The emphasis is not on producing a specific image but on letting the pen move freely to capture the flow of thoughts and emotions.

The resulting artwork often reveals patterns, symbols, and insights, which potentially give a deeper understanding of your inner world.

My personal experiences with Neuro Art (as it is sometimes called) have been beneficial for increased relaxation, a feeling of deep satisfaction, and a beautiful sense of wonder at the finished drawing.

It’s given my inner child room to play once again, with no defined ‘end goal,’ which feels like the perfect antithesis of adulting.

Embracing Age and Experience as an Empath over 40

1. Learning to Be Selective: Navigating Relationships and Energy Investment in Midlife

After turning 40, during the early stage of entering midlife, selective engagement becomes pivotal for the well-being of empathic women. This phase often prompts a profound shift in priorities, resulting in the reevaluation of relationships.

A study investigating Adult Age Differences in Real-Life Empathy states: “This pattern suggests that daily empathy increased from 18 years on, with a peak in midlife, but decreased slightly in the oldest group (55 years and older). Notably, the empathy level of the oldest group was higher than the one of the youngest.”

As we gain a wider variety of life experiences, it becomes equally essential to discern where and how to spend precious time and emotional resources.

Being selective involves consciously choosing relationships that align with your personal growth, recognizing the impact of energy exchanges, and understanding that not every connection is destined to be maintained at the same intensity.

Admittedly, my situation was extreme; 18 people considered me their closest friend and confidant, which essentially meant I was giving away all of my energy. I had not yet learned to be selective, nor did I have emotional boundaries in place.

As an empath, I realized learning to be selective and conscious required deeper insight into my relationships and learning to set emotional boundaries effectively.

2. Prioritizing Emotional Boundaries

What are healthy emotional boundaries for empathic women?

Healthy emotional boundaries for empathic women revolve around maintaining a keen awareness of our emotions versus energy absorbed from others. It is accomplished by learning to empathize without absorbing others’ emotional burdens to preserve our emotional well-being.

Setting boundaries involves a conscious practice of honoring our emotions and choosing when and how to engage in empathic connections, ensuring that the emotional exchange is reciprocal and supportive.

Once we learn to clearly identify our emotions, the second step of setting boundaries is to communicate our needs and assert personal limits with friends and family.

Ultimately, healthy emotional boundaries empower us as empathic women to navigate relationships with grace, fostering a balance between compassion for others and self-preservation.

Boundary Setting Exercise for Empathic Women

Approaching midlife the resilience we have developed, plus the accumulated wisdom from life experiences over the years becomes a valuable asset in handling empathic challenges. 

Undoubtedly the wisdom that comes with age helps with the clarity of knowing the ‘who & why’ of the boundaries we need to set.

However, empaths are prone to suffering deep feelings of guilt whenever we can’t ‘be there’ for someone in emotional pain. (that’s also the case for me)

Here is a 3-step exercise for effective emotional boundary-setting

1. Awareness:  Throughout your day pay attention to changes in your energy level after interactions (phone call, text, email, in-person) and briefly jot down what you felt (in a notebook or a note app on your phone)
2. Make Decisions:  After a few days identify any emerging patterns that cause you an ‘energy drain’. Journal using the prompt; “How do I want to handle this Energy Drain I’ve noticed?”
3. Action: Take the most subtle action on your list, that you are certain will not awaken your guilt

DO:

• Start with easy and simple actions
• Take breaks between cycles of the practice
• Raise the level of difficulty of actions (within your comfort zone) as you progress

DON’T:

• Don’t attempt to take all 3 steps within one day
• Don’t begin with your most challenging relationship dynamic

Nurturing Empathy and Wisdom Beyond 40

In closing, the empathic journey for women over 40 is a profound blend of understanding, self-reflection, and intentional well-being practices. By navigating the delicate dance of empathy in midlife, embracing age and wisdom, and learning to set emotional boundaries, you’re embarking on a transformative path.

Remember, as you cultivate the art of selective engagement and prioritize emotional boundaries, your well-being becomes a masterpiece. This journey is not about perfection but progress.

Each step forward, each boundary set, and every moment of self-reflection contributes to your growth. With time, dedication, and self-compassion, you’ll find your unique balance, enhancing your empathic nature and well-being.